Solo Dates: Why Taking Yourself Out Might Be the Self-Care You Didn't Know You Needed

When was the last time you did something simply because you wanted to?

Not because it was productive.
Not because someone else needed you.
Not because it was work.
Not because it was something you could tick off your list.
Just because you fancied doing it.

I've recently been talking a lot about Rest, Reset and Radiate — the three-step process at the heart of my Return To Radiance 3-month journey.

And part of Rest and Reset is making small adjustments to the way we live.

Not another huge lifestyle overhaul.

Just little changes that create space to stop, pause, reflect and ask ourselves:

What do I actually want to do with my time?

Because for many women in midlife, that question can be surprisingly difficult to answer.

Then I discovered The Artist's Way

I've always believed that we need to practise what we preach.

So you can imagine how intrigued I was when my mum introduced me to The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.

The book explores creativity, fear, doubt and the blocks that can stop us from expressing ourselves fully.

Two of its best-known practices are Morning Pages and Artist Dates.

Morning Pages are three pages of longhand writing, usually done first thing in the morning. You simply write whatever is in your head — worries, to-do lists, random thoughts, ideas, frustrations, inspirations. There is no need for it to be clever or meaningful.

It's simply a way of getting the noise out of your head and onto the page.

And then there are Artist Dates — regular, intentional outings or experiences you take by yourself, purely to explore, notice and replenish your creativity.

I've started thinking of them as solo dates.

And I've discovered something rather interesting.

The hardest part of a solo date isn't being alone

It's the guilt.

That small, persistent feeling that you should be doing something else.

I know it well.

I should be at my computer.

I should be creating social media.

I should be networking.

I should be working with a client.

I should be doing something useful.

After years of being a mum, partner, daughter, sister, business owner and the person who gets things done, that pull towards being needed can become almost automatic.

At first, the tug can be surprisingly loud.

But the more you practise doing something purely for yourself, the quieter it becomes.

And something else starts to happen.

You begin to discover you.

What do you enjoy?

What makes you curious?

What makes you feel peaceful?

What makes you laugh?

What makes you want to explore somewhere you've never been before?

And perhaps most importantly:

What brings you joy when nobody else is asking you to do anything?

My solo dates around East Sussex

My solo dates haven't involved expensive retreats or elaborate plans.

Quite the opposite.

I've discovered that there are wonderful experiences much closer to home when you slow down enough to notice them.

Take Bexhill, for example.

You can wander along the high street and, if you look beyond the obvious, find cosy cafés, charity shops full of treasures, independent gift shops and antique emporiums.

Add a wander around Egerton Park, a visit to Bexhill Museum or time at De La Warr Pavilion, and you've got a whole day that can quietly fill you up.

I've also spent time at Charleston House, allowing myself to absorb the art, history and atmosphere rather than rushing around trying to see everything.

And then there was a visit to the Patterson Gallery at the Lansdowne Hotel, where I spent time looking at the artwork and chatting with Peter, the gallery owner.

It wasn't something I had to do.  It wasn't productive.  But that conversation opened my mind to new ideas and possibilities.  And that's the unexpected gift of doing things alone.

You leave room for something to happen.  A conversation.  An idea.  A new place.  A feeling.  A possibility you hadn't considered before.  Or sometimes, absolutely nothing.

And that's okay too.

Can you sit still and enjoy the moment?

One of my favourite solo dates is simply going to the beach.

Watching the waves move in and out.  Listening to the sound of the water.  Watching people come and go.  Or sitting in a park and people-watching.

And I sometimes notice that familiar feeling:

Shouldn't I be somewhere else?

But what if I don't need to be?

What if I can simply sit there and enjoy being exactly where I am?

That's something many of us have forgotten.

We are so used to filling the gaps that we can become uncomfortable when there is nothing to fill.

Solo dates give us an opportunity to practise being, rather than constantly doing.

Self-care isn't selfish

I know it sounds like a cliché.

But I'm beginning to understand this in a much deeper way.

Self-care isn't about being indulgent.

It's not another task to add to your already overflowing list.

And it certainly isn't about buying more things in the hope that they'll make you feel better.

Sometimes self-care is simply making space to hear yourself again.

To reconnect with the things that interest you.

To notice what brings you joy.

To remember that you're a person with your own interests, curiosity, creativity and desires — not just the roles you perform for everyone else.

And perhaps that's one of the reasons solo dates have become so important to me.

They are helping me rediscover parts of myself that can easily get lost when life becomes all about work, responsibility and other people's needs.

Your next solo date doesn't need to be complicated

You don't need a whole day.

Try:

• Taking yourself for a coffee and sitting somewhere you've never been before.

• Wandering around a charity shop without needing to buy anything. Intentionally looking at trinkets, small items and repurposed clothing and accessories.

• Visiting a museum or gallery.

• Exploring a nearby town as though you've never been there before.

• Going for a walk without listening to a podcast or trying to make it productive.

• Sitting in the park and simply watching the world go by.

• Going to the cinema alone.

• Taking yourself somewhere you've always said you'd like to visit.

And while you're there, notice what happens.

How do you feel before you go?

What changes while you're there?

How do you feel afterwards?

What would you happily do again?

You might be surprised by what you discover.

Because the more often you give yourself permission to explore what you enjoy, the clearer your own map of joy begins to become.

And that map belongs to you.

Perhaps this is another part of returning to yourself

This is one of the reasons I talk so much about Rest, Reset and Radiate in my work.

For me, wellbeing isn't about becoming a completely different person.

It's not about another complicated routine, another list of things to optimise or another version of yourself you need to create.

It's about making space to come back to yourself.

Sometimes that might be a solo date.

Sometimes it's a facial.

Sometimes it's reflexology.

Sometimes it's simply sitting quietly with a cup of tea and realising you don't have to rush anywhere.

And sometimes, you might need a little more support to work out what needs to change.

Ready to make more space for yourself?

Return To Radiance is my personalised 3-month journey for women who are ready to stop running on empty and start creating more space for their energy, wellbeing and vitality.

Together, we look at the small, realistic changes that can help you feel more rested, nourished, connected and like yourself again — without adding another complicated programme to your life.

If something in this blog has made you think, “I think I need some of that,” I'd love to welcome you.

Discover Return To Radiance →

Or, if you're not ready for a programme, start with something much simpler:

Take yourself on a solo date this week.

Put it in your diary.

And see what you discover.