I Thought I Was Bored… But I Was Actually Learning to Rest

Being bored.
Its a phenomenon that I am not used to.

I used to DREAM of having some time to myself, and now I have it, I’m telling myself I’m bored!

It’s an unfamiliar feeling. Navigating my day without the demands of dependants. I spent about 11 years as a single parent. Bringing them up pretty much single handedly since they were 5 and 7. Days packed starting at 6 am and ending around nine at night. Never a moment to pause, have down time, process, reflect, drop the ball of responsibility or dare I say it…. have some fun!

I don’t need 10 digits to count how many weekends I had to myself without children in that time.

As much as I adored them, I could never quite relax. Even though they brought much joy to my life, and they still do, I always had that sense of having to keep it all together.

I didn’t realise what a stress habit I had developed until one year, I booked flights for us to go and visit friends in Europe.

I was responsible for all our passports, getting to the airport in time, not missing our flights, were they enjoying themselves, were they hungry, trying not to get stopped at security (my daughter thought that was a game…!) it was all so stressful.

The kids would say ‘Mum why are you stressing out so much..? We’re on holiday!’ They were young teens at the time. That was the moment I realised perhaps I didn’t need to be so hyper vigilant. Maybe I could stop having to micro manage them and all eventualities.

When they were small, life was pretty chaotic. This was at the beginning, the early days of solo parenting. We had moved down from London, left our home, the family unit, the school community and friends. Everything the kids had known was gone. I tried to explain and prepare them as much as possible but they were so young and had no idea what any of it meant.

They were good kids but played out disruptively, as I guess thats how they saw life, as a big disruption.

There was a time when the only thing I could do to manage the chaos was meditate.

Yes you read that right…..

I would get up early before the kids, get ready for the day.
Then wake the kids up. Soon the defiant cries, shrieks and tantrums began

“I’m not going to school….”
“I’m not wearing that……”
“I’m don’t feel well….”
“I don’t want to go to school….”

Doors slamming, stomping up and down stairs, crying and wailing at my ankles….

So, in my powerlessness, all I thought I could do was sit at my kitchen chair, close my eyes, breathe in and out of my nose to counts of 5 breathing in, and 5 breathing out and repeat the pattern.

This was the practice of regulation, calming myself and sending good intentions and love to each child.

Miraculously enough…..it worked!
It calmed the house down. My ability to regulate my nervous system changed the ‘energy’ of the house.

To my amazement, the children quietened down. During the time that I was meditating, they would dress themselves, come down the stairs and wait at the door for me to take them to school.

I actually heard one of them say “I’m ready for school now mum”.

That is a time that I will always remember because it shows the power of meditation, pausing, mindfulness and self regulation.

I still keep meditation, mindfulness & gratitude as part of my self care practice.

Back To Being Bored

One child has left home, the other is living a full life with friends, jobs and college.

For me, there is still that pull of ‘having to get back' to the kids. It still remains yet no longer needed.

It’s a strange feeling no longer ‘having to be there’ in the same way, with a sense of urgency.

I felt like I should fill up this new found time.
“Get a hobby..!”

I have! There are writing classes, art classes and a meditation group that I can go to when I am feeling creative.
I have friends, family. I’ve renewed my love of cooking but this time without a critical audience aka pesky, fussy kids.

I am lucky enough to love the work I do and earn a decent living from it.

I no longer need to rush for anything any more. I get to enjoy life, pause for a while without having to plan for ‘whats next….’

Being in the menopause years, this pause has come at a good time. I thought I was gliding through my menopause, until a barrage of symptoms collided into my world. (IYKYK). This has been quite surreal for me, watching life change in ways I could never have expected or prepared for.

Having to pause is the best thing that could happen to me now that I have a different kind of energy and the brain fog……I’m learning to live differently and for the better…I hope!

So when I catch myself saying ‘I’m bored’ what I actually mean, is I’m not needed in the way I was with young children. I have plenty to fill my life up with if I want to.

Those are the things that lead to more DOING. What will be better for me right now is more BEING than DOING.

I have plenty to look forward to.

Two adventures are planned and a new work project that I can’t wait to share with all of you whether you are local or live further afield…….

So for now, I am enjoying moments to myself, with solidarity and the peace and quiet I craved for a long time.

BEING in the moment and allowing the next phase to reveal itself for me instead of forcing what will come next is the way to go.

I’d love to know if you relate to this.

Have you ever mistaken peace for boredom?

Are you finding yourself in a new season of life where you no longer need to rush in the same way?

What would happen if you allowed yourself to pause without feeling the need to fill every moment?

Do you feel safe enough to rest?

If this resonates with you, perhaps your nervous system is asking for pause too.

My treatments and wellbeing experiences are designed to help women slow down, reconnect and return to themselves without pressure, performance or overwhelm.

You can explore my current wellbeing experiences here.